It’s sort of inevitable, especially if you struggle with any kind of mental illness or neurodivergence, to have days where you feel like your own worst enemy is yourself. More specifically, for many people, it can feel like your own worst enemy is your brain. Maybe you wish you could fist-fight it, maybe you wish you could yank it out and sandblast it—unfortunately, they haven’t invented a way to do either of those yet. Thankfully, what they have invented is music that you can play loudly enough that it scratches the same itch. I thought for this inaugural edition of Saturday Song Sisters, I would cover two songs about that kind of bone-deep frustration with yourself and your own head. Their approaches may be a little different, but to me, they still feel related—and they sound great on a playlist together.
Winona Fighter – “Swimmer’s Ear”
“Swimmer’s Ear” is the sixth track on Winona Fighter’s recently released debut album, My Apologies to the Chef. The song title could seem unrelated to the subject matter—until you find out that frontwoman Coco Kinnon actually named the song after the first time she remembers thinking of herself as her own worst enemy. In a track-by-track breakdown shared on the band’s social media, she revealed that at 9 years old, she gave herself swimmer’s ear standing in the shower and letting water flow into her ear. When you’re that young, you just don’t know any better—but that story feels like the earliest, most basic version of that age-old lesson: giving in to our own impulsive actions always seems to sabotage us down the line. “Swimmer’s Ear” taps into the build-up of that lifelong frustration of feeling like you’re always making the worst choices for yourself. The chorus has a melody like a punk rock jump rope chant, and as Coco sings “Open my brain, and turn it to liquid / Do it in vain, knock me senseless,” anyone who’s ever physically wanted to fight themselves can relate.
Paramore – “Thick Skull”
“Thick Skull” is the closing track on Paramore’s most recent full length album, This is Why. Even though the song is slower, building to a ground-shaking finish, the lyrics from the chorus make the connection between the two songs obvious. “Hit over the head (epiphany) / Over my head (repeatedly) / Thick skull never did (nothing for me) / Same lesson again?” Sometimes it just feels like you can never learn, no matter how hard you try or how far you think you’ve come. When that anger builds up over time, it can explode, and it can hurt you as well as other people. The track starts out mournful—slow and quiet, before steadily building to unleash the rage of that built-up frustration. If you’ve never seen the recording of the band’s debut performance of this song in Auckland, New Zealand in November, 2023, I highly recommend it. You’ll feel it all the way through your bones.
Hopefully the next time you’re feeling frustrated with yourself, and the urge for violence creeps up on you, you have a chance to blast one or both of these songs loud enough to rattle the windows instead—and hopefully it helps.